What’s So Funny?
(James, 44 – Entertainer – Washington DC, USA) I am a clown. I entertain people, my appearance my seem funny, but I’m dead inside.
I’ve been in the entertainment business for years, and I’ve been making people laugh for my entire life. I’m a funny person by nature, people love listening to me as I speak, everyone laughs, and I laugh with them, but I don’t see anything funny in the jokes I make. I cry inside, I cry when I’m alone, my life is not the way other people see it.
The price for their laughter
I’ve wanted to stop. Just stop entertaining people, but I couldn’t. It has always been an essential part of me, I guess the price for their laughter is my depression. I’ve continued doing what I was meant for, but I stopped laughing. For every second I laughed like a maniac, there was a minute of grief and sadness. So I stopped doing that, it wasn’t even that funny. Instead, I just kept a poker face and smile just a little at the end. And it worked, I’ve accepted my destiny, tried to smile as much as possible and greeted the sadness with a smile.
I am a clown
The smiling brought light into my life. The laughter was darkness. I am a clown, an entertainer, a stand-up comedian… You can call me whatever you like. My sadness is the price, I’ve already used to it, it just feels nicer being sad with a smile on your face. At least no one knows what I’m struggling with. Being funny is not an easy job.
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